A Warm Greeting – Essential for Climate Action
“Hello my dear!” Chef Sarah calls out her signature enthusiastic greeting as I walk into her East Oakland Café. It’s not only the amazing food but also her warm friendliness that keeps me coming back. She offers a genuine welcome and helps me feel at home. We need a sense of belonging in our chaotic world, we need to know that we count, that we are among friends. A warm greeting shows us instantly that we are noticed and cared about.
When we are on the run, we often miss connecting with the person right in front of us. We brush by people quite easily, because we are on to something more important. Yet, in our rush, we could miss the most important thing of our day – soul to soul connection – however brief. As philosopher Martin Buber said “All real living is meeting.” In our hurry, we might forget to say “I’m so glad to see you!” with energy and enthusiasm. A wise rabbi once said that a warm greeting is the ultimate act of kindness.
But why? Why do greetings matter so much? A genuine hello can turn a busy moment into a minute of real contact. Greeting a fellow traveler in our confusing and hectic world can lead to the genuine sense of connection that soothes and strengthen us. It eases our loneliness. We are reminded that we matter.
When we greet others, let’s remember that we don’t know what they are going through. “Be kind” says the well-known quote “for everyone is fighting a hard battle.”
I learned a lot from greeting my mother in the days before she died. I would arrive at the hospital full of hope that she would still be conscious and that I would get to share a warm hello with her. I was elated when I saw her. My heart lifted up when I saw her dear face and welcomed her beloved presence into my day. “You’re still here. I am so glad to see you!” After she died, I realized that I could greet all of the people I love that way. I could greet everyone that way.
We notice when we are not greeted warmly. I went to a gathering once where someone I knew saw me and actually turned her back to me. I still don’t know why she snubbed me. But, as you can see, I still remember. More recently, I was at a presentation, and I said a warm hello to someone I’ve known for a couple of years. She responded with a quick glance and a cursory smile. I was stung and miffed. (Forget her!) Yet, I resolved not to take her cool response personally and approached her again over the refreshments that were served after the talk. I offered a cordial smile once again (in spite of my inner protest), and she gestured for me to sit with her. We discussed kids and family challenges and to my surprise and appreciation, she offered to meet and talk any time about one of my struggles as a parent.
Farewells also matter. In traditional Jewish practice we are taught to walk our guest out the door and onto the street so they can feel accompanied on their way. On our recent trip to Japan we were touched when one of the desk clerks accompanied us to our taxi and bowed and waved good bye as we were driven to the train station.
Stan Tatkin, marriage and family therapist and creator of the PACT approach to couple’s therapy, includes greetings and goodbyes as key parts of couple healing. He calls them landings and launchings. We receive one another into the care of our relationship with a warm hello, a hug and a kiss, and we send one another off into the world with an affectionate farewell. These rituals can help us feel the connection all day long.
Greetings and farewells matter more than we know. Perhaps today is a day to greet others a little more warmly and say good bye with a little more heart.